An Eagle Eye View of Week 4

Since the Seahawks are taking the weekend off, I thought I’d relax a little myself, take in a movie and mix in my review with my week 4 NFL preview. In Eagle Eye, Jerry Shaw (Shia LaBeouf) is guided to Rachel Holloman (Michelle Monaghan) by a mysterious woman named Ariel, who somehow knows his every move and communicates through his cell phone, the cell phone of a stranger who happened to be sitting next to him on the subway, electronic banners and random video screens. Jerry and Rachel are then coerced and threatened into carrying out Ariel’s bidding. The FBI is after Jerry as a suspected terrorist while Rachel’s son is being held hostage (though he doesn’t realize it).

Falcons at PANTHERS
Jerry happens to have an identical twin who was recently killed while serving as a member of a super-secret military operation named….Eagle Eye. The Falcons also have an identical twin that routinely gets killed in the line of duty. This twin reared its ugly head in Week 2 in a blowout loss to Tampa Bay. While the “good” twin exacted a certain measure of revenge in Week 3, “the brother with lead shoes” is no match for the Panthers in Carolina. Pick: PANTHERS -6.5 over Falcons.

Browns at BENGALS
Our friends Jerry and Rachel soon find themselves together in a Porche Cayenne. With the FBI, led by Billy Bob Thornton, in full pursuit, Jerry and Rachel are able to escape thanks to the help of Ariel, who is able to timely turn all of the right stoplights green and manipulate the computer systems of the FBI cars, as well as the navigational system of the Porche. This may sound like an exciting action scene, and while it may have had some potential, the director unfortunately chose to utilize the maddening shaky camera technique. You know, where the big screen is filled with very brief flashes of screeching tires, jarring crashes and shattered glass. And the screen is so big, there’s nowhere to divert your eyes. You just hope it ends before your head starts throbbing and you vomit into the next row. Browns and Bengals fans can definitely relate. Cleveland had an offseason filled with the anticipation of a promising season and a return to the playoffs. Cincinatti’s hopes may not have been as high, but they certainly weren’t looking for an 0-3 start. Luckily for us, we can divert our eyes by changing the channel. Pick: I have no trust in Romeo until he shows me something (like Brady Quinn, maybe?) BENGALS -3.5 over Browns

Vikings at TITANS
Eagle Eye soon finds Billy Bob barking orders and belittling subordinates as he strolls through FBI headquarters. At one point he whines about how his eyes keep getting worse and PDA screens keep getting smaller. A younger colleague offers to change the font size on his handheld. Billy Bob responds, “No, I’m talking about paper—you know, like in olden times?” Thirty-seven year-old Gus Frerotte knows; as does thirty-five year-old Kerry Collins. I think these teams are pretty evenly matched: both had good running games; both have one quarterback who is athletic but inaccurate and another who is more accurate but old; and both have tough defenses. When in doubt, go with the home team. Pick: TITANS -3 over Vikings

Broncos at CHIEFS
As Billy Bob continued to pursue Jerry and Rachel, he became increasingly frustrated with the inability of his agents to corral the suspects. At one point he made a threat that Herm Edwards ought to be making: “You’re going to be demoted to something that requires touching shit with your hands.” While Larry Johnson did have a positive game last week, they still couldn’t keep pace with the Falcons. It will get ugly versus Denver as the Broncos will have a fun time playing against the Chiefs shitty team. Pick: Broncos -10 over CHIEFS

Chargers at RAIDERS
Billy Bob soon figures out that Jerry and Rachel are getting a lot of electronic help. As he questions a security company about their surveillance tapes, he stops them when they get to the part where Jerry and Rachel should appear and says, “don’t tell me—everything magically went black.” Things have definitely been going black for the Raiders but there’s nothing magical about it. Against the Bills, things went black with about eight minutes left in the fourth quarter, when Buffalo went on to score 17 straight points. This week, things will go black a little sooner against a revitalized Chargers team. Pick: Chargers -7.5 over RAIDERS

Texans at JAGS
It turns out that Ariel is using Jerry and Rachel, among other pawns, to steal a special crystal the size of large diamond pendant. These little crystals can blow up an area the size of a football field. Five foot seven Maurice Jones-drew is another small package that can really blow up a football field. Houston and their 27th ranked rush defense could be in for a long day. Pick: JAGS -7 over Texans

Bills at RAMS
Jerry and Rachel eventually figure out who the mysterious Ariel is and also figure out that they need to stop a “POTUS Triple 1,” a threat to the president. With Trent Green starting for the Rams this Sunday, his offensive linemen might as well start yelling “POTUS Triple 1” for their commander-in-chief right now. The line for this game is high. It should be higher. Pick: Bills -8 over RAMS.

Eagle Eye Assessment
Overall a solid movie. Shia LaBeouf and Michelle Monaghan both provided some solid acting. And I love Michelle Monaghan’s natural good looks. She was a very believable single mom who didn’t look like she just walked off the set of Dr. 90210. Billy Bob’s character wasn’t much of a stretch—he was essentially being himself—but entertaining nonetheless. The plot didn’t require an inordinate suspension of scientific or logical sense. It won’t win any Oscars, but a fun, entertaining couple of hours. Rating: 7 Stars (out of 10)

The Rest of Week 4

Cardinals at JETS
When I made the Jets one of my Superpicks, I didn’t realize that the Cardinals were spending the whole week on the East coast. So essentially, the Jets, having just returned to New Jersey on Monday night/Tuesday morning, should be experiencing more ill effects of multiple time zone travel than the Arizona team. Add Brett Favre’s injured ankle to that, and the Cardinals suddenly become a more popular pick. However, I’m sticking to my guns here. I still think the Cardinals will be a little out of sorts from more than a week away from their homes, families, wives, girlfriends and regular beds. Pick: JETS -1 over Cardinals

Packers at BUCS
Sixty-seven pass attempts and 400 yards don’t mean a whole lot to me if you also throw three picks, but that fact that Tampa didn’t give up a sack in those 67 attempts is pretty impressive. This game will feature the strong line play of Tampa’s offense versus a motivated Green Bay defense that was torched for 453 yards against Dallas last week. However, the difference will be in the quarterback play of Aaron Rodgers, who has yet to throw an interception this year. Pick: Packers +1 over BUCS

49ers at SAINTS
Both of these offenses are playing very well and cranking out yards and points. And I don’t see the Saints defense putting up much more of a fight than the Detroit defense did last week. I want to pick the 49ers, but after a couple frustrating games versus Denver and Washington, the Saints simply need this game more. And needier teams have a tendency to win more games. Pick: SAINTS -4.5 over 49ers

Redskins at COWBOYS
Washington heads to Dallas after a couple of close home victories. Unless Dallas really lets up after a big win in Green Bay last week, Washington will have trouble keeping this one close. New Orleans and Arizona could end up being good teams and even playoff teams—but they are not the Cowboys. Pick: COWBOYS -11 over Redskins

Eagles at BEARS
It looks like Westbrook won’t be playing for the Eagles, which means a lot more passing for the Bears defense to defend. If they get lit up for 400 yards again, this game will be a blowout thanks to Philly’s defense. Matt Forte and Kyle Orton can look forward to a tough day. If the Bears are able to clamp down on an Eagles offense sans Westbrook, they could keep the game low-scoring and relatively close. Regardless of how the game unfolds, I see Philly prevailing. Pick: Eagles -3 over BEARS

Ravens at STEELERS
The Steelers had a real rough time last week against the Eagles defense. Things don’t get any easier this week with the number one ranked defense coming to town. Add the absence of Willie Parker (Rashard Mendenhall will start in his place) and the hurting Ben Roethlisberger, mix in a well-rested Ravens team, and you have the makings of a second-straight loss for the Steelers. Pick: Ravens +5 over STEELERS

Eddie IN THE MONEY Superpicks: PANTHERS -7 over Falcons, JETS -1 over Cardinals, Broncos -10 over CHIEFS and Bills -8 over RAMS (Last week: 3-0, Season, 5-1)

Week 3 Picks: Bill Simmons: 10-6, Sports Gal: 9-7, Eddie Utah: 7-9
Season Standings: Sports Gal: 24-22-1, Bill Simmons: 23-23-1, Eddie Utah: 21-25